“Without change, there would be no butterflies”

 

“Some of us [overseas workers] think we need to be strong all the time,” writes Monica. “We have to go hard, and not let anyone see our struggles.” 

She was describing me during my first month on the mission field.

 

I was pretty hard on myself, thinking I had to be perfect, convinced that every error, every hiccup, every flop made me a failure.

 

Monica continues, “Mere humans . . . often feel the pressure to keep it together. . . . But when I read Scripture, it doesn’t always seem like Jesus is keeping it together. . . . He lets us into his tears and fatigue.

 

“And for goodness sake, read the Psalms!” Monica continues. “The emotional pendulums of the Psalmist . . . are a testimony of the pain, joy, anger, and doubt we experience. . . . It’s okay to get real! God can handle it!” (from “Let your heart exhale” at Velvet Ashes).

 

Sometimes I reasoned the way Monica recommends, but I didn’t always succeed. I had wobbly faith. Nevertheless, that was not the end of my story.

 

I didn’t recognize it at the time but, by God’s grace, I was transitioning out of my “fight-or-flight” mode (wanting to flee from Lomalinda and return to Seattle) and instead, settling into a contented, meaningful life. (Don’t miss my earlier post, “In the fight-or-flight mode.”)

 

Though I only vaguely sensed it, God was constantly embracing me in His very capable arms and working out His good plans for me.

 

Katie Schnack writes of those turning points when God calls you to start over:

 

“Be patient, give yourself grace.

New chapters [in life] can be . . . tough.

But with time, effort and some serious leaning on God,

you may realize your scary-crazy-insane life change

was one of the best things 

that could have happened to you.

Life never follows our plans,

 but sometimes what God brings us instead 

is even better.”

Katie Schnack

 

And this is mind-blowing: God often works in simple, everyday ways to accomplish His big things in us and for us. We humans often don’t notice it at the moment but, in looking back, sometimes we do see—and when we finally recognize Him, we need to thank Him. And rejoice in His goodness to us!

 

One of the ways the Lord helped me settle into our family’s new home and routines was through a yard sale—yes, a simple yard sale. And a grater from my mother. And a few inches of red thread.

 

Let me tell you about it.

 

After we’d lived in Lomalinda almost a month, I wrote this letter to my parents:

 

Dear Mom and Dad,

 

This afternoon, Matt and Karen complained of boredom, so I sent them to the post office—we usually get mail on Tuesdays and Thursdays, but a plane flew mail in today, Saturday.

 

While the kids were gone, big black clouds blew over, a wind whipped up, and rain poured down. Soon over the top of the next hill, I saw the kids bringing home the mail, but it was only damp when they arrived because Matt had put it under his shirt.

 

We got [our first] letter from you! Now we know you’ve received our first letter! Today we got your letter of August 31, and about four days ago we got the package you’d mailed on the same day.

 

Thank you for sending the grater. I was tickled to get it. Grating has always been one of my least favorite chores, but I immediately grated a bowlful of carrots for a salad. Thanks, too, for sending the piece of red thread. I needed it to mend the hem of a blouse.

 

Donna, the gal I’m replacing, is selling household items because she’s leaving to work with Wycliffe in the States. I bought a whole bunch of stuff—strainer, cake pan, muffin tin, pitchers, silverware holder for our kitchen drawer, and her ironing board.

 

I’m also buying her dining room furniture. She purchased it in Bogotá and it’s much nicer than locally-made furniture. It includes a hutch and four wooden chairs with leather seats and backs.

 

AND I bought her classic old Singer Featherweight sewing machine (!!) which came with an instruction booklet, pinking shears, scissors, lots of bobbins, thread, needles—all kinds of stuff. I’m so excited!

 

Settling well was imperative--settling into our new lives, our new home, and our new routines.

 

On the mission field, we’re taught to develop coping mechanisms, for good reason. God is not a God of disorder and confusion (1 Corinthians 14:33) and it seems He passed that on to people: We do best when, for the most part, things are ordered and predictable and run smoothly.

 

I was trying so hard to get our home and routines running smoothly, and those few small items—the grater, the snippet of red thread, and the kitchen items Donna sold me—helped me function less chaotically as a homemaker and mother.

 

And God knew, too, that a smidgen of encouragement and a morsel of progress made a huge difference to an immature, wimpy twenty-nine-year-old woman, a work in progress, a gal who heard God ask her to change, to set aside her own plans and move to a remote plot of land at the end of the road in the middle of nowhere in South America.

 

Perhaps it was the Lord Himself 

who inspired Walt Disney to say, 

“Without change, there would be no butterflies.” 

God saw me as I would someday be: 

as beautiful as a butterfly. 

But it took a lot of effort to get me out of that cocoon! 

He was patient. 

I needed to be patient, too.

Blue Morpho butterfly, a Lomalinda beauty